Arghhh...

So, last Monday, AJ's doc had mentioned that they may try to re-do AJ's Room Air Challenge today or tomorrow. She also said that she was ready to send him home (possibly this weekend or early next week) as soon as he passed the challenge. I didn't believe her. I didn't think he would pass the challenge this weekend and I didn't think he would be coming home this weekend. I've been having long conversations with his doc reminding her that I want AJ to be really ready to come home - I don't want to feel like we've manufactured circumstances so that he leaves before it's safe to. She of course reassured me that they wouldn't do that and will only send him home when he's genuinely ready.

But since then, he's been sat-ing (his O2 saturation) has been dipping into the 80's occasionally. He bounces back up into the mid to high 90's or to 100 right away. But still, if he's dipping into the 80's while he's got his O2 on, then it doesn't seem likely he'll be able to pass the Room Air Challenge.

Then, last night, he had a significant sleeping-Brady :( This means an automatic 5 days before he could possibly come home. Of course he still has to pass his Room Air Challenge, but they've decided to hold off redoing it for a few more days because of his Brady.

I'm devastated. I know I didn't really believe he was coming home this weekend...but I guess a little part of my brain started to envision what it would be like to have AJ at home. And selfishly, what it will be like when I no longer have to drive to the hospital multiple times a day...and what it would be like to dress him without care for all those leads and cords...and to have complete control over my baby...to be the only one feeding him and bathing him.

The thought of spending another week with this routine sounds mind-numbing. I know I will revert back to autopilot and do what I have to do...but right now, I just feel devastated.

On a positive note, AJ did pass his Car Seat Challenge last night. He had to sit in his car seat for an hour (all buckled in, with his O2 on) and prove he could maintain his vitals. This is not a tough test to pass since he gets to wear his O2, but still, it's one more thing on the list that has to be checked off before he can come home.